It took three days

This past week I was traveling out of the state for work. I spent the first two days in Washington DC, and then the last in Baltimore. It was a whirlwind of a trip – lots of work, lots of talking to clients, lots of hand shaking. I lost my voice on Thursday night, but otherwise felt fine and didn’t let it slow me down. I called home and spoke to my husband a few times when I had a few minutes here or there, but for the most part I was running around so much I had no time for anything else. It was Friday afternoon when I finally seemed to pause, look up, and realize I honest-to-god hadn’t even thought of my kids in the past three days.

it took three days for me to miss my kids.jpg

Is that wrong? Am I bad mom? I know there are moms out there who can’t abide leaving their kids for even a night – and when they do call every 30 minutes and worry constantly until they’re home. But apparently, not me. I enjoyed this past week. I enjoyed a three hour airplane flight where it was just me, and my coffee, and my laptop. I enjoyed the work, the fast pace, the hustle. I enjoyed the adult-only dinners at nice restaurants. I enjoyed three and half precious days of just being … me.

Every once in a while I get an email from a reader who disagrees with my decision to work at all – let alone out of the home, in a position that requires me to travel 4 – 5 times a year. The graceful thing for me to do would be to email them back as they come in, thank them for being so concerned with my children’s welfare, assure them I’m saving money for my kids’ immanent need for therapy, and leave it at that. However, since I have absolutely no intention of wasting my very limited free time with activities of that nature, I’ll just let them find this gem of a post and draw their own conclusions about the state of my marriage and my children’s home environment.

Whatever, ladies. I’m cool with your judging. You don’t know me, you don’t know my kids, and (hopefully) you don’t know my husband. I promise you, we’re all good. I swear that no amount of 3 night business trips that help me remember that I am more than ‘mom’ or ‘hey you with the fruit snacks’ is going to cause my kids to grow up to be serial killers. I would ask that you turn the concern that you seem to have with the state of my family around and focus on issues that actually exist – like world hunger, or human rights, or even the fact that George RR Martin seems incapable of finishing a series of books that has 95% of the nerds in this world hanging by their fingernails on the edge of a cliff.

We’re good. They’re thriving, And I am happy.


  1. Melinda says

    This weekend I’m going to a photography workshop all by myself, two states away. It’s not even my job. My kids will be with their very capable dad, I’m staying with my BFF, and making myself better (hopefully) in the meantime.

    Go you :)

    • Tottums says

      That sounds like a blast. And yes – they get really great quality ‘daddy time’ when I’m gone. The Husband specifically texted me and said, ‘I get so much more attention from the Froggy when you’re not in town’. Which I LOVE.

  2. says

    I travel about 8 times per year. Sometimes it is just one night, sometimes its 3… it can even be up to 5. I miss my kids, but not in a “I can’t breathe kind of way.” 5 nights was the hardest, I did start to palpably miss them. But the other trips have been just enough. I enjoy the time alone. Sitting in a hotel room with a glass of wine and a book is nice. I LOVE that they get quality time with their dad. He does things differently than I do. He’s more laid back, he’ll run around and play tag instead of vacuuming or starting a load of laundry and that has to be so much fun for them.

    I remember growing up with kids who would come to a birthday party sleepover and call their parents crying at midnight to come get them because they couldn’t be away from home. I don’t want my kids to be like that. Sleepovers at their grandparents and aunts are a regular thing. So is my work travelling.

    I think it’s great you enjoyed yourself. I always come back refreshed and appreciating them more, even if I worked like crazy.

    • Tottums says

      Word, to all of this. My kids have been spending nights away from me since they were infants. Like I said, I’m saving money for their therapy – but really? I’m just planning on buying myself a shitton of awesome shoes once they hit 18 and apparently don’t need it.

  3. Stormy says

    So, my first thought was screw the haters but that probably isn’t very nice. So instead, how about one of the secrets to being a good mom is to be a happy mom and the key to that is balance. Your children are well cared for and safe and content and while they may miss you, they are with their parents and family and all the more happy to see you when you return. 3 days of being you and getting to read a chapter uninterrupted, eat a meal without cutting meat and finishing your dinner while it is warm, and get work done in a timely manner is healthy and necessary. and I think you are amazing.

  4. says

    When I went back to work after maternity leave when my first was three months old I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I had to travel 3 hours away and I called home all the time.

    I’m three kids in and if someone gives me a trip out of town I’m like so when does the plane take off and is there room service? Okay, maybe not with a three month old right now – but ask me again when she’s a year old. :)

    Working moms unite!

  5. Kass Kaplan says

    No judging here! Sometimes a time away makes us much better moms. We can focus in our needs for once instead of someone else’s otherwise WE will grow into those serial killers, not our children. I’m still mad I can go to Austin.

  6. Kerri says

    I always enjoy reading your blog. I am also a FT Working Momma! I love it! Some days I enjoy my drive into the office so much, listening to my own music and sipping my coffee. My almost 6 year old is in Kindergarten full time and after school she’s with her grandmother for 2 hours until I get home. If I stayed home all day she would be in school anyway. Plus she see her Mom going out to work and earning an income just like Daddy. I hope that this gives her the confidence to be a strong independent woman some day too! Your doing a great job! PS, your doggy is so CUTE!!! Enjoying the pics on the blog and on instagram!

  7. says

    I recently had a day surgery and sent my kid to be with grandparents for 3 days. I’ve never been so excited to have to have surgery before…even though I was in loads of pain, the 3 days was bliss. Also took me 3 days to miss him and just 1 hr until I was ready to send him back. :)

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